Saturday, April 30, 2011

An Open Letter to Steve Perry, Formerly of Journey

Yo, Steve–

I just answered three more letters meant for you, because having the same name and an agent apparently is enough to convince your fans that I am you. 

Even convinces some publishers, because that's where the most recent batch came from. The publisher just stuck them into an envelope and forwarded them to me.

You have some pretty amazing and loyal fans, and you have touched their hearts. The three to whom I had to say I wasn't you were a ten-year-old girl who wanted you to drop by her music recital; a seventy-year-old woman who is a long-time and ardent fan; and a young woman who writes songs, and who sent you a picture of herself and one of her cat. She wanted you to send the picture of the cat back, by the way.

I have gotten mail like this for years, and some of the stories included are as poignant as any I've ever heard. 

I expect you've heard a lot more, but I feel like a voyeur reading these. And until I open them, I'm not sure if they come from one of your many fans, or one of my considerably-lesser number of such. If they start with, "Dear Steve, I've always loved your music ..." then I don't need to read any farther, but sometimes they don't mention that until half a page down.

Steve, I'd be most pleased if you'd set up a paper mail address, or an email address where your fans can send you stuff. I mean, I appreciate a stuffed toy or a bar of chocolate as much as the next guy, but they aren't sending these to me. 

If you want to drop me a line and let me know where to forward these missives, I'll keep it private, but they are your fans, and you should give them a venue where they can reach you. Goes with the gig, doesn't it? Lord knows how many of us who share the name are getting material intended for you.  

Do the right thing, hey?


(The other) Steve Perry


Bobbe Edmonds said...

Dear Other Steve Perry;

I can't seem to ESCAPE the multitude of fans that FAITHFULLY pursue me, even though my band "Journey" and I have both gone SEPARATE WAYS (In fact, we're WORLDS APART now).

I've given consideration to your suggestion, and your words have begun a CHAIN REACTION online, culminating in my hiring a webmaster to deal with this problem. DON'T STOP BELIEVIN' for a second that I'm taking steps to correct this problem, even though it is AFTER THE FALL of my once-rising fame.

You have made the LIGHTS blink on in my head, and I was hoping you would help me to direct traffic to my website by putting up a link, when I get one established? We can do this ANY WAY YOU WANT IT, I'll accept your decision with OPEN ARMS. You can take my word for it...just ASK THE LONELY.

I realize it's a terrible cheek of me, but could you possibly return the photo of the cat to the old woman for me, and SEND HER MY LOVE as well? I would truly appreciate it. I'm sure the GIRL CAN'T HELP IT, but I don't usually correspond with the "older generation", if you get my drift. ONLY THE YOUNG really interest me. If not, fine, send it to me and I'll take care of it. I'LL BE ALRIGHT WITHOUT YOU doing my dirty work.

Okay, I have to get back to LOVIN', TOUCHIN' & SQUEEZIN' myself while looking at internet porn now. Always remember; BE GOOD TO YOURSELF!


Steve Perry

Bobbe Edmonds said...

For the life of me, I couldn't think of a way to get "Wheel In The Sky" into that one...I tried for an hour to think of something. Oh well, I covered about 98% of their greatest hits.

heina said...

@Bobbe - golf clap extraordinaire.

Steve Perry said...

They sang all those songs? Huh.

Anonymous said...


Just a thought- you may want to try forwarding them to Fan Asylum, who handles Journey-Steve's "fan club". I'm sure they have some way of getting things to him (although they say that they do not on his page). It's nice of you to try, at any rate!

Fan Asylum
1250 Folsom Street
San Francisco, CA 94103

The tightest jeans in town said...

who is your agent???

Steve Perry said...

Why is my agent relevant? I'm not the Steve Perry for whom you are looking ...