Above: Mark Kilbane, Producer, at the press conference
for The Man Who Never Missed, Capclave 2010
I get my best jokes about a particular profession from those in that profession -- lawyers always have the funniest lawyer jokes, doctors, doctor jokes, people in the media biz, etc.
Some years ago, a producer on one of the animated shows upon which I worked told me this one, and since this is a post about a producer ...
It helps if you know anything about movies in LaLaLand, but it isn't necessary:
A writer, a director, and a producer are lost in the desert. The sun broils them, terrain is bleak. Things are getting dire.
The writer finds a stick and starts to dig near the base of a scrubby plant.
What are you doing? The director asks.
I'm digging a hole. Go deep enough, I'll hit water, and we'll be saved.
The director nods. Great idea. He points. Why don't you dig over there?
The writer frowns, but, okay. He starts digging where the director points.
He labors for hours. Finally, when he is exhausted and down about three feet, water begins to well at the bottom of the hole. Water! he yells. We're saved!
Great job! the director says.
The producer walks over, unzips his fly, and pisses into the water.
The writer and director stare at him, aghast. What the fuck did you do that for?!
And the producer says ...
It needed something ...
Here it is germane to say that Mark Kilbane is also working on the script as the writer, and that I wouldn't be awfully surprised if he wound up being the director, come the funding.
But it is funny ...