Here we go -- there's a company in L.A. now offering tourist buses to the worst areas of the inner city, to see where gang shootouts and sundry evils have taken place.
Are still taking place.
L.A. Gang Tours. I'm serious.
I think the St. Valentine's Day Massacre site got on the tourist maps after it went down in 1929, but I do believe they waited until after the killers had left the building before they started busing the tourists in ...
Can't you just see it? L.A. Safari?
Can I get an African drumbeat as b.g. music here?
"Now, ladies and gentlemen, if you look to the left, there, on the porch of the 'crack house,' you'll see two of the locals engaged in a drug transaction. The taller one is the 'dealer,' and the shorter one, the 'buyer.' Note how they keep looking around for law enforcement agents. If our Stretch Hummer didn't have fully-tinted windows, they would surely be spooked by the sight of us. So to speak.
"Now, if you will turn your attention to the corner, you will see a trio of brightly-arrayed female 'ho's,' and behind them standing next to the Cadillac Escalade in a zebra-skin coat, the male protector, 'the playuh.' Observe as 'the playuh' scans the street, looking for likely prospects and law enforcement officials. If you listen carefully, you can hear the 'ho's' mating calls, 'You-wanna-date? You-wanna-date?'"
"Here, across the street, a group of 'Bloods.' These young males are identified by their plumage, which is predominantly red. This is in contrast to the 'Crips,' whose markings are in the blue end of the spectrum. Generally, these two tribes are not found in close proximity, save for ritual combat over their territory. Observe as the -- uh oh! Step on it, Jerry, they are heading this way!
"Don't be alarmed, folks, the limo and glass are bulletproof and -- whoa! what the fuck was that? IED! Jerry! Get us out of here -- !
"Uh ... good afternoon, sir. Can we -- ah -- help you with something? Our watches and wallets? Certainly, certainly, no problem ..."