Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Choose Your Weapon

So, my nephew, Jon, and his wife, TC, were up here last week. TC wanted to go to a trade show that featured exhibitors selling to the, um, wholesale fabric trade. There were sewing machines, quilting machines, lots of imported cloth, and every kind of gizmo you can imagine concerned with the care and feeding of such things. The show was big enough to fill up the Rose Garden, a not-inconsiderable space.

TC and my wife spent several days there, taking classes and shopping. TC is starting her own online business, crombieTree, retailing fabric and what-not, which should be opening in the next month.

As you might imagine, such a show is not really my thing; however, my wife wanted to show me something -- she's in the market for a new sewing machine -- so I went and looked.

I wonder if my eyes looked as glazed as they felt.

I know how she looks when I've dragged her to a gun show ...

Wednesday nights on the Outdoor Channel is range night -- got Midway's Cowboys, Shooting Gallery, the NRA's American Rifleman, Guns & Ammo, Shooting USA. You can watch gun stuff until midnight, if you want -- blam! blam! ting! (That last is a shot ringing out ...)

My wife falls asleep as soon as I switch the channel, and sleeps through howitzers and machine guns going off ...

Now and again, she likes to watch the Home Improvement Channel, which, far as I can tell, is peopled by gay guys with glue guns, who think that spray-painting styrofoam stars with purple glitter and sticking them all over your walls is height of home decoration. I begin to snore before the hot glue melts ...



Jay Gischer said...

I would have thought you knew the difference between gay and effeminate. I know plenty of gay men who like guns and hate purple stars and glitter just as much as you do.

Steve Perry said...

I had a comment up, but, no, strike that. This is more to the point.

I know the difference -- but are *you* saying that all the gay guys with glue guns on the network are effeminate? 'Cause I didn't say that.

Not all gay men are effeminate. Nor are all effeminate men gay, for that.

I didn't say that gay men were all interior decorators and lacking in the traditional manly arts. If you heard that, you brought it with you.

I said that the TV channel under discussion seemed to be peopled with gay guys with glue guns, and while that was deliberately hyperbolic, it wasn't inaccurate in the sense you seem to be offering. I don't think you can lay that glove on me.

It was a wisecrack, and if you saw an attack in it, you imagined it.
No offense was intended -- if you took it that way, that's a sensitivity on your part you need to address.

I'm a redneck. Every time there's a tornado south of the Mason-Dixon line and a trailer park gets wiped out, they always interview that two-toothed guy with the inbreed look. Folks look at me and say, "Them's your people, hey?" I can laugh at that.

Lighten up. It was a joke. Not an attack on your manhood.

Kai Jones said...

Besides, if you'd used effeminate, you would have lost that gorgeous alliteration.

Steve Perry said...

Precisely. That guh-guh-guh-guh was the point of that combination.

Anybody looking for the Department of Political Correctness here is in the wrong building ...