Thursday, August 16, 2007

Appropriate Selections from The Book

From The Book of Assholes, Chapter 6, verses 1-4

"And so I say unto thee, if thou art driving in thine automobile and thou chancest to come upon a vessel in the slow lane traveling but slightly above the posted speed limitation, thou must passeth and immediately cut back in front of this vehicle, and slow thou down by at least ten miles per hour.

"Neither shall ye allow the passed automobile to around thee go in turn, but by use of road-hoggery and acceleration, strive to maintain thy position. For to allow overtaken vessel to passeth in return is, yea, verily a sin against the House of Assholery.

"Ignorest thou the honking of all horns; pay ye no heed to loud and vexing imprecations of other travelers; nor signals of hand and digit, for he who art accused of fellatio and pederasty and of knowing his own mother for My sake, shall have My blessing.

"And he who might therefore be slain by rage-of-road shall be deemed Martyr, and he will dwelleth in the Land of Assholery for ever and ever until the end of time.

So sayeth the Muffin."

No comments: