Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Basketball Fans Weep in Portland

So, the Portland Trailblazers played the L.A. Lakers last night. Second time this season. Portland beat L.A. at home the first game, but last night?  

O last night!

Dan Moran is a Lakers fan. Yesterday before the game, I gave him some shit about the Lakers being beaten by bad teams ...

Portland did not, um, do well last evening, no, they did not.

Dan and I exchanged emails this morning. Here's the gist:


"Watching the Lakers get beat by bad teams is a little rough, I admit. But even in a down year there are compensations -- just yesterday, the Lakers played this one team? The score was 37-7 at the nine minute mark of the second quarter. That means, this other team I'm talking about, they scored seven points in a little more than 15 minutes of game time -- about .46 points per minute over that 15 minute stretch, which might not be a record but probably should be. It was really even worse than that because these guys, they hit a 3 to start the game? So then they got outscored 37-4 ... that sort of stuff must make their fans' testicles shrivel a bit.

Boy, I'm glad I'm a Lakers fan."


"Lowest first quarter in the franchise history. Lowest halftime score this year. (At the half, I went to Safeway and got a dozen paper bags, cut out eyeholes, and Federal Expressed them to L.A., so the Blazers could sneak home without getting tarred and feathered. Almost had to get a new TV, too, from throwing remotes at mine. Scared the dogs to hear me calling out the names of the Lord and His Son, and adding in an anglo-saxon middle name to junior's monicker.)

I should have known better than to say anything to you about the Lakers. Worst way to jinx a foul shooter is to allow how good he is when he gets to the line. Steve Nash is up, and he never misses a -- oops, would you look at that?

Seven fucking points. From guys getting paid tens of millions of dollars a year to play a game. A junior high girls team could have gotten seven points, using bricks. Jesus, Buddha, and Mohammad all wept. I might take up watching golf. "

It was a rough night to be a Blazers fan. And these guys are going to have to live with that record. "Hey, a terrible night for the ___________." says the first announcer. 

"Yeah, but nothing like that Blazer game with L.A. back in 2012, is it ... ?"



Daniel Keys Moran said...

Your mistake wasn't talking smack about the Lakers. Plenty of people have done that and lived. Your mistake was doing it *before the game.*

Even the elderly can still learn new things, I guess ...

Bobbe Edmonds said...

I USED to give Dan a touch of shit when the Lakers played the Celtics. Not that I care at all about the Celtics, I just know Dan hates them like the French hate soap.

Then I watched him rip into someone ELSE who was giving him shit about the Celtics - I think this was three years ago? - and it was -->HARSH<--

Kinda backed off after that. Dan seems like a nice (or semi-nice, at any rate) guy, but that one little button seems to launch the entire nuclear arsenal. And my little island of reality doesn't have a defense program in place for the nation of Moran.

Oh, and that guy he was ripping into was a real dumbass too. You could tell.

...Fella with the last name of Perry.

Daniel Keys Moran said...

I have no recollection of this. Probably didn't happen and if it did this Perry dude deserved it, I'm sure.

And don't talk about my mama either.

Steve Perry said...

Go look in the dictionary -- the big book with the words in alphabetical (ABC, order, Kid) and look up "death wish."

What you'll see there?

A picture of Bobbe Edmonds ...

Bobbe Edmonds said...


All the unmitigated shit YOU give ME - and we're talkin' entire presidential terms' worth here - and you won't even throw me a bone? I don't get to call you out on your shoe being untied?

...That's just sad, Old Man. They say the mind is the first thing to go, y'know.

Steve Perry said...

"They say the mind is the first thing to go, y'know."

See? You make my point. All those years getting bashed in the head done turned your brain into Jello. Not enough to feed an anorexic flea, but still.

Chuck Norris ties my shoes. They wouldn't dare come untied ...