Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Savages


"So, Preprimeparent, tell us about the Old Days! About the savages!"


"Oh, I shouldn't, you know how it upsets your primeparents."


"Please, please, please! Just a few stories!"


"Well, okay, then. Just a few. 


"When I was your age–this was two hundred and more years ago–we lived much differently than we do now. 


"Our food for instance. We had warm-blooded sentient animals that were held captive in huge pens or cages. These creatures were killed, cut up, and then consumed by families in daily rituals where the flesh would be seared by fire or microwaves and then ingested at a communal table."


"Eeuu! Didn't you have grasshoppers or ant eggs?"


"We had them, but nobody would eat them."


"Really?"


"Really. 


"When we traveled, our transports were mostly small vehicles called automobiles. These were metal and plastic and glass boxes powered by engines that required fuel. This fuel was a substance called 'gasoline,' which was made from the rotted bodies of plants and animals who had died millions of years ago. We had to collect this rancid material, called 'petroleum,' from under the ground were it had collected in large pools of black goo."


"Eeuu! Didn't you have the sun then?"


"Well, yes, we did–I'm not that old–but we didn't use it for power because it cost too much."


"What does 'cost' mean?"


"That's complicated. I'll explain it when you are older."


"Tell us about the black goo!"


"Yes, it was terrible stuff. The residue from it was emitted from the vehicles and it polluted our air. You could actually see it floating around in clouds. It coated things, got into our bodies."


"Eeuu!"


"Was it dangerous to travel in ottermobiles?"


"Oh, yes, it was very dangerous. The devices weren't under a central control, you see, but each one was independent, and the safety relied upon the skill and whim of the operators. They were constantly crashing into one another, into structures, even running into trees and falling into rivers. Tens of thousands of people got owies or even died every year in these incidents."


"Died?"


"Yes. You know how Jerz your playmate ... um ... went away a few years ago? Like that."


"Eeuu!"


"And babies? Well, they weren't decanted from af-wombs like you were, they were carried inside their femparent's body until they grew large enough to be removed."


"Eeuu! How did they get inside the femparent?"


"Oh, that was called 'sex.' This was when the maleparent inserted his–"


"Steve! Are you telling the children those horror stories again!?"


"You see? I told you your primeparents wouldn't like me telling you."


"But we want to hear about sax!"


"And how did the children get out of the femparent?"


"And what about–?"


"Another time, children. Preprime needs to go take his nap now. Run along and ask Dar the Dog to tell you stories from when he was a pup ..."

2 comments:

Josh K. said...

You trying to give me nightmares.

:-)
Josh

Joe said...

Ahhh, the good old days.