Sunday, May 31, 2009
Are you tired of seeing stories about some rube in Missouri who got nineteen thousand dollars for a cheese sandwich with Mother Mary's face on it? Of a yahoo in Minnesota finding a valuable Cheeto that looks like Jesus walking on water that he hawked for big bucks on Ebay? Some McJob kid who finds Moses on a potato in the fry basket and sells it for enough to get himself a used car?
My friends, do you think this is just good fortune, like WINNING THE LOTTERY?! No, these things didn't just happen by accident ...!
You need Perry's home study course, Cooking With Jesus, the nitty-gritty, how-to method that will take you from your boring minimum wage job to INSTANT RICHES!!!
In the easy-to-follow lessons, which include many illustrations and no big big words, you, too, can learn the FOOLPROOF METHODS! to join the ranks of those who have made big money in icon-shaped food, including such invaluable topics as:
* How to open and reseal potato chip, corn chip, and even Pringles containers so that no one can tell. Imagine it as you open a Frito bag in the 7-Eleven, complete with the inert gas pop! that announces a never unsealed bag and come out with A FRITO THAT LOOKS JUST LIKE JESUS HEALING THE LEPERS, right in front of the amazed clerk's eyes!
* Carving tools and instructions, as well as vegetable gro-moulds™ for tomatoes, squash, cucumber, and yams.
* How to mold ANY fast food into any of six major religious figures -- moulds included -- Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the Archangel Michael, King Solomon, Satan, and IF YOU BUY ALL SIX, A SEVENTH BONUS, ABSOLUTELY FREE, Eve with the apple. Get all Twelve Disciples, and the special Judas Accepting Silver™ figure, for either popcorn OR dill pickles.
Optional figures available include the popular Hindu Set: Vishnu, Shiva, Ganesh, Kali, and Agni. Also available in limited numbers, Buddha, Lao Tzu, and Joseph Smith. David Versus Goliath and Samson at the Temple will be released later this summer; unfortunately, Allah and the Prophet Mohammad are not available at this time.
SPECIAL FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE JEDI: Luke, Leia, and Han, as well as Chewbacca, with R2D2 and Lando Calrissian. Darth Vader and the Emperor are currently out-of-stock, but we expect to resume delivery of those figures in about six weeks.
* Press kit, with instructions on the most useful outlets and contacts, such as Fox Media, The National Enquirer, and Rush Limbaugh.
If you order NOW, we'll include absolutely free a four-megapixel digital camera, good enough to show the shape WITHOUT REVEALING ANY CASTING LINES! and our free booklet, How to Select Gullible Witnesses, which includes THREE surefire methods for getting them to say EXACTLY what you want!
You might expect a product like to go for hundreds, even thousands of dollar, but this week only, for the first two hundred thousand people who order, we have slashed our price to only $19.95!
Don't delay -- quantities are limited -- you must act now. This offer will not be repeated at this price ever again!
But WAIT! If you order within the next ten minutes, we'll send you ABSOLUTELY FREE! a copy of our video, How to Spend All That Money! which will give you the best way to avoid paying taxes on your new-found wealth, and the best investments to make in the current rocky economy.
Operators are standing by ...