Thursday, October 03, 2013


I lost an old friendship today. No, that's not right–the friendship has been gone for a long time, but I finally acknowledged it today. Sent my Adiós note, and there you go.

Pointless to go into details, who said or didn't say what to whom, and I have done my grieving piecemeal over a couple of years. I saw it coming. 

I'll wax metaphorical: Like a a slomo train wreck, I jumped up and down and waved my arms, yelled myself hoarse: Stop the train! But to no avail.

Another old saw, with an addition: Some days, you get the bear; some days, the bear gets you. 

Some days, the bear doesn't show.

Interesting how these things go. High-profile break-ups between people in the public eye focus it and get tongue clucks: Oh, Martin and Lewis called it quits, what a shame! Lucy and Desi got a divorce. How could they? Simon and Garfunkel are pissed off at each other. You see those and you shake your head. Wow, these guys were so good together, how could they just ... call it off?

My case is hardly in that class. Just an old buddy I ran with for a long time I thought was my friend and turned out not to be. Not a major tragedy that involves anybody outside our immediate circles. He has his reasons, his life got interesting, in the Chinese curse sense, but in the end, I just dropped off his to-do list.

How do you fix that?

I tried, but it was crickets and dwindling echoes, and in the end, didn't happen. If you are building a bridge across a river, you need some help from the other side, and if you don't get it? The folks over there don't want you crossing. At some point, you have a come-to-realize moment and you pack it in.

At least I did.

Ah, well. As Vonnegut used to say, "And so it goes ..."


Jim said...

And, yet, by the fact you were moved to write on it, the loss is affecting you. I'm sorry you lost that friendship.

Steve Perry said...

Yeah, you invest a lot of time and energy in something over a long period, you miss it when it goes. You have to acknowledge that, even if you can't fix it.